Browsing Date

August 2012

Severing Ties or Severely Limiting Contact

Severing Ties and Moving On (from The World of Miss Glamtastic)

August 21, 2012 • By

The Glamtastic Guide to Severing Ties and Moving On

Holding scissorsLast July, I wrote a post about inconsiderate people, and different tactics for dealing with them. After giving people some time to correct course, you may find it necessary to cut the person loose. I don’t particularly enjoy severing ties with people, but SELF-PRESERVATION comes above all else. In my case, “self” extends to those that I love and want to protect from inconsiderate individuals. There is NO ONE that I will allow to mistreat me. Please do not misunderstand me: there are people that are supposed to love you, that can, and will, mistreat you, ignore your concerns, and regard you with little respect.

What does it take to cut someone loose? You must first decide to do it. You can’t simply talk about it: in fact, I recommend you stop talking about it. At the point where severing ties becomes necessary, you’re probably tired of talking. I don’t recommend that you talk until you are weary, but if the relationship means enough to you, you’ve probably tried to talk and mend/correct things until you are blue in the face. Save your energy, and decide to just let the person go.

Eliminate contact with the individual. No more texting, phone calls, emails, letters, or homing pigeons LOL! Don’t announce to the person that you are ceasing contact with them: simply do it. If you feel compelled to tell someone “I’m cutting you off” then you probably haven’t made a firm decision to get rid of the individual. Giving an inconsiderate person a goodbye speech only opens the door for more dialogue, delay in correcting action, and more time to HURT YOU. So close the door, do it quietly, and deadbolt it.  I know that *someone* will want to do the “cutting you off” speech. If it gives you a feeling of closure, then go for it. I personally feel that true closure comes from making a decision and sticking to it, and having the satisfaction of knowing that the other person didn’t see it coming, nor do they know all the details behind your decision. But if finale speeches are your thing, then go ahead and do you. The best way to do it is to lower the boom, while ensuring that the other person CANNOT RESPOND TO YOU. If that means blocking a few phone numbers, sending emails to the junk folder automatically, and blocking them on all forms of social media, so be it. The last thing that you want is an open door; open doors only lead to more suffering.  Continue reading

Severing Ties or Severely Limiting Contact, Unresolved, Your Stories

I Left My Abusive Parents’ Home

August 16, 2012 • By

Hello Miss Undeserving, My name is Dawn L. and I wanted to thank you for this very nice blog.  The stories are sad, but they gave me some courage to write.  Really, I never thought about sharing my sad story until my friend told me about this blog.  I am 19 and I moved out of my mom and dad’s home 3 months ago.

Maltrato

They were so controlling and actually hitting me until the day I moved out.  I don’t know why they are just so mean, but I got so tired and moved in with a girl from school and her family.  I want to go to college and I will, but I had to get a job.  I was able to save and move into a nice apartment and now I am so happy to be free.

I am thinking about cutting my parents out of my life.  My older brother and sisters don’t even call them anymore or visit their home.  I tried to be peace maker but my parents are so religious to the point of abuse.   The last time my parents showed up here (unannounced) I did not answer the door.  I have not called them for 2 months and I feel guilty, but I don’t want to be hit for disagreeing or speaking my mind. I know I will not hit my children if I ever have any.

Thank you.


Forgiveness & Healing, Others' Stories, Unresolved

Do You Forgive A Family Member Who Has Done You Wrong Without An Apology?

August 7, 2012 • By
 From Answer Bag.com
Foregiveness

Do you forgive a family member who has done you  wrong

WITHOUT an apology? Why does family get away with doing

you wrong (repeatedly)?

Asker’s Pick

An apology is always  needed.  That is simply Dale Carnegie 101:  “Apologize and Mean It.”  If  anything, the apology should be for making the other person feel bad/ hurting  their feelings.  It should not be difficult to GENUINELY apologize to a loved  one for hurting their feelings.  Forgiveness is the result of the apology.  If  we just ran around and had to forgive every wrongdoing, then Elin Woods should  have no problems forgiving Tiger for his affairs.  Forgiveness is a solution to  an apology.  In a perfect world, we can all forgive and forget.  Period.   However, that isn’t always possible in interpersonal discourse.

Continue Reading (17 responses)


Criminal Element, Enablers & Busybodies, Not Even Cold In Their Graves, Your Stories

Stolen Identity

August 6, 2012 • By

Stolen identityMy sister Paulette B. opened up 2 credit cards in my name and ran up the credit cards.  I am now stuck paying for the bills and she is acting like it was no big deal.  I thought I was being careful not to have a purse open around Paulette her or anything of value as we have long known of her drug problem.  Paulette stole money from my parents and siblings and we have all but given up on her.  She holds her kids over my mother and threatens to keep them away from us.  She is holding my folks hostage but I cut ties long ago.  I don’t know when she decided to target me, but she got away with it for a little while.

I started getting bills at my address for credit cards I knew I did not have.  I dismissed the first 3 or 4 thinking they were junkmail.  I certainly did not need another credit card and was doing quite well financially.  One day, I decided to open one of those bills.  To my surprise, it was a bill from a major credit card to the tune of about $3500.00.  I was not worried, because I knew those charges were not mine.  I decided to call and inform them, they had the wrong person and I did not want my excellent credit ruined.  Well, I found out that I did make those charges, except it wasn’t me.  It was my sister!  After matching up the date opened and adding a few other things that didn’t make sense together I figured out it was her.

I discussed this with my folks who told me that I shouldn’t do anything because Paulette was family and to give her a chance to pay it back.  I refused and told them that the only way I could keep my credit from being affected was to file charges and let the police handle it or pay it off.  I had to do this against my parent’s wishes.  I could not let Paulette get away with screwing over our family any more.   Paulette cursed me out and called me every name in the book, but I was not going to sit idley by and let her get away with this.  By the time I was almost done straightening out this mess, I realized she had opened up another card.  I was too through with her and reported that as well.  Both credit card companies removed the charges from my accounts and closed them.  Paulette is in jail on other charges but awaiting court for the new fraud charges.  I feel sorry for her children and offered to keep them while she is away.  It is not their fault that their mother is a criminal drug addicted loon.  I’ll be happy to care for the kids as they are innocent.  My parents are somewhat to blame for enabling Paulette’s behavior but I would not be a part of it.  I had to work hard for my excellent credit and name and was not willing to allow it be torn apart by anyone.


Severing Ties or Severely Limiting Contact, Unresolved

Don’t Play Favorites

August 2, 2012 • By

Older asian womanMy mom has always played favorites with me and my siblings.  I wish it were not so but it is what it is.  My older sister and brother could do n0 wrong.  Maybe because she was married to their father and I was a product of an affair mom had.   My father was married and when their relationship didn’t work out (he didn’t marry her) mom took out her frustration on me.

I was young, but I still remember being shut out and not being allowed to go places like my sibs and there was just no patience when dealing with me.  I grew up with a complex and insecure.  I still feel the sting of her insults and gave up on being ever treated like a human.

I know that I am the one they will call should my mother become ill because they will expect me to care for her.  Maybe if and when that time comes, I’ll be ready to help, but the way I feel now, I could not do it.  I am harboring too much bitterness in my heart.

I decided when I was younger saying that I would never treat my children the way my mom treated me.  It was not right and unfair.  My father was wrong in having the affair with mom, but he and his family (my other sibs) reached out to me recently.  They are the kindest people.  I wish I had grown up with this family.  For the sake of peace, I don’t bring up any childhood issues to them.  It is just nice to be loved and accepted for who you are.


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