Browsing Date

July 2013

Others' Stories, Severing Ties or Severely Limiting Contact, The Unthinkable

Tiara Stevens’ Justifiable Outrage

July 23, 2013 • By

Woman raped by her own father who gave birth at aged 12 to a blind albino baby  is outraged as he is jailed for just ONE YEAR as reported on DailyMail.com/uk  by Paul Thompson

Tiara StevensTiara Stevens and her precious, cute little son

  • Tiara Stevens says her father raped her in  their South Carolina trailer and authorities did nothing for 14  years
  • Fred Montgomery, 47, is confirmed to be the  father – and grandfather – of the young boy
  • The child was born blind and  albino
  • Ms Steven says she sometimes confuses  herself over whether the boy is her son or her brother

A woman who was repeatedly raped by her  father and gave birth to her own brother has hit out after her attacker was only  jailed for a year.

Tiara Stevens said on Monday she had waited  14 years for justice only to see her father’s sentence as a ‘slap in the  face.’

An outraged Tiara said: ‘To wait 14 years and  all a person gets is one year?

‘A pat on the back, telling them it’s okay to  molest your daughter, impregnate her, and for her to have a child, a blind  child? It’s ok?’

Tiara StevensDevastated: Tiara Stevens, 27, says her son was born blind and albino after she  was impregnated by her own father at age 12

Tiara Stevens 2Outraged: Ms Stevens says she is furious that her father must serve only one  year in jail for repeatedly raping her when she was a little girl

Fred Montgomery, 47, had pleaded guilty to  criminal sexual conduct with a minor.

He was sentenced on Monday to 15 years in  jail, but all but one year was suspended.

Tiara was just 12 years old when she was  impregnated by her father at the trailer home they shared.

She only realised she was pregnant the day  before she gave birth after going into labour at school.

Her son was born blind and due to gene  problems was born an albino.

Tiara told officials in 1999 that her father  had raped her in the mobile home they shared in Lancaster County, South  Carolina.

But no action was ever taken even though a  DNA test in 2000 confirmed he was the father of his own grandson.

Tiara Stevens 4Years of abuse: Ms Stevens (left) says she waited 14 years to see her father  Fred Montgomery (right) brought to justice

Tiara and her father continued to live in the  same small town for over a decade until authorities were pushed into action by  the single mother.

Officials with the 6th Circuit Solicitor’s  Office said a fire at the courthouse destroyed many of the documents related to  the case.

In an interview with WISTV, 27 year old Tiara said she  was shocked by the lenient sentence.

‘It was a slap in the face,’ she  said.

Tiara said she is often confused on how to  describe her son.

‘That confuses me a lot,’ said Stevens. ‘It’s  like, “Which one are you today? Are you my son, or are you my brother?” Because  he really is both.’

In a previous interview, Tiara described how  her father would sneak into her room and rape her.

‘He never told me what he was doing,’ said  Stevens. ‘It was just late at night. He would come in, take my clothes off, and  he would have sex. And he would leave and he would say, “You better not stay up  all night,” and I would go in the bathroom and I would cry. The next night he  may not do it, but the next night, he would repeat the same thing.’

Tiara said she has not yet told her son that  her grandfather is actually her father and will be out of prison in a  year.

‘From this day forward, I will fight for  victim’s rights to make sure this never happens again,’ Stevens said.

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Enablers & Busybodies, Others' Stories, Severing Ties or Severely Limiting Contact

Sibling Rivalry After All These Years

July 16, 2013 • By

sibling rivalryMy name is Dennis Stuart.  Since elementary school, my brother Dan and I have been very competitive.  It was more on his part to best me at everything we did.  We made good grades, played sports and worked hard on every project we were assigned.  Both mom and dad were teachers so it was a given that we were competitive.  I got a bachelor’s degree in engineering and Dan as well, but Dan one upped me and my parents.  He got a bachelor’s and M.D. degrees.   By the time we were in our mid-20s, I was so tired of this silly rivalry game, but Dan was as competitive as ever.  I was concerned that our younger twin brother sister were starting to become like Dan.  I just observed and mentioned to my parents that Dan took love competing with me for some reason.  My mother did sometimes have my father step in when she thought Dan was going a bit too far.  But it had been years since I had heard her say anything to my father or Dan about his need to be out in front on everything.  I hope they would stop this with the twins.

     I stopped protesting and let Dan go on with his games.  I stopped telling him anything about my plans because all he would do was find a way to diminish it and throw insults about what or how he could do something better.  I remember when I said I was going to take guitar lessons.  Dan said that he had already taken guitar lessons years ago and learned piano too.  Why couldn’t he just say something nice?  This was the scenario with everything I did or said.

     When I started dating my wife Courtney, Dan was nice to her and thought she was pretty, but he was determined to get a prettier girlfriend.  The girl he was dating named Anne, was very attractive and super nice despite Dan’s obsessive behavior.  He opted to trade her in and go for a prettier girl.  Dan found Jin in the gym where he worked out every day.  She is actually half Chinese and half British.  Jin is smart, getting a master’s degree in International Business and was on her way to run a fortune 500 company.  Jin stood up to Dan.  They debated a lot but seemed to genuinely love each other.  I didn’t get involved in their lives at all.  I was too busy courting my wife and preparing to propose after about 10 months.  I made the mistake of sharing my plans with mom.  After all, it was mainly mom who taught me how to treat Courtney and win her heart.  She was overjoyed and told Dan how happy she was for me and that she would be getting some grandchildren sooner than she thought.  Dan could not stand the fact that I was so happy and getting married before he would, so he set out to sabotage my plans.

     About four weeks passed.  On the day that I proposed to Courtney, she accepted over a nice quiet dinner.  We invited our families to dinner the next night to officially make the announcement.  Everyone came including Courtney’s parents and two younger siblings.  Dan and Jin invited her parents who were visiting from Hong Kong.  I announced that Courtney and I were officially engaged and planned to be married in about a year.  My father stood up and toasted us.  He blessed our engagement with all kinds of compliments and told us he already loved Courtney like a daughter.  Courtney’s mom cried and her parents came over to hug us both.  Mom cried too and told her future in-laws how happy she was to increase our family by five people.  I tried to ignore Dan’s fake smiles but wondered how he would try to out-do me.  I expected him to say something nice even if he was insincere.  Well it only took ten minutes and Dan made an announcement of his own.  He stood up, congratulated me, and announced that he and Jin were also engaged and getting married in Hong Kong, in three months.   

     Everyone was in shock but applauded Dan and Jin.  He did it again.  Dan’s competitiveness now included innocent parties.  My parents and I knew exactly what he was doing and I was seething, but I contained my anger and was determined not to let Dan completely ruin our night.  Dan totally manipulated the situation by asking me to be his best man.  Not only did he try to steal my joy, Dan was bullying.  I quickly turned the attention back to our announcement and said that Courtney would be planning her dream wedding and that I was leaving everything up to her.  Courtney stood up and announced that I made her the happiest woman in the world.  She also showed class in congratulating Jin.  I finished my dinner in a fake, festive mood.

(Continue reading in the book When Family Does You Wrong).


Forgiveness & Healing, Others' Stories

And Never Talk to Me Again! Handling Emotional Cut-Offs

July 13, 2013 • By

And Never Talk to Me Again! Handling Emotional Cut-Offs

      Only you can start the healing
Published on September 2, 2012 by Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W. in Fixing Families

Open handHenry and Marie, both in their late 50’s, are devastated. They had just come back from visiting their 33 year-old daughter, Sara, and her family. They had done the good grandparent thing – attended their grandson’s birthday party, brought gifts – had, they thought, a great time. Now, only a couple of weeks later, and seemingly out of the blue, they have received this caustic email from Sara. She had been thinking about an off-handed comment that Henry had made, and that apparently led to her mulling over a lot of things about her childhood and past relationship with her parents. Finally, at the end she says in bold type, “And never talk to me again!” 

Ellen and Teresa would both admit that they had never been extremely close as sisters and have had their ups and downs over the years. Both have been busy with their own careers, relationships and the most they have been able to muster is a catch-up email every couple of weeks. But then their grandmother died and in her will she left more money to Ellen than Teresa. Understandably this stirred some hurt feelings but also inadvertently opened old long-standing wounds of jealousy, favoritism, unfairness between the sisters. They haven’t talked in months and there is no sign of a thaw.

Cut-offs, estrangement. It’s not just the stuff of Godfather movies (“You’re dead to me”) but unfortunately the stuff of millions of relationships. What is going here? A couple of things:

Continue reading


Severing Ties or Severely Limiting Contact, Your Stories

The Black Patent Leather Shoes

July 4, 2013 • By

Patent leather shoesThat day will never die, although I have spent most of my life trying to forget it. It was a bright and beautiful fall day, and I was playing in the front yard of my maternal grandmother’s house. Inside, my aunt Diane was watching television and babysitting my youngest aunt, Marquice.  I don’t know why I was outside alone; but I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the fact Marquice and I did not get along. It’s amazing the details of childhood a person remembers even after forty-six years; and playing outside alone—that particular day—is vividly in my mind.

Marquice and I were born just four months apart. My mom and dad had been married for almost four years, and my maternal grandmother was not married at the time of her pregnancy. Mothers and daughters in dual pregnancies were typical in poor families back in the day—aunts and uncles raised together with nieces and nephews. Such was our norm. What bothered me most about Marquice was she never liked me. She did everything possible to make my life a living hell, and she was encouraged by her mother and my aunt, Diane. Being a child with perpetual forgiveness to dole out selflessly, I did my best to treat Marquice kindly. Don’t get me wrong. There were times when she pushed me too far and I retaliated. Whenever I did retaliate, my grandmother chastised me and that began my realization of unequal justice.

   This particular day, my aunt Diane sent me to play outside alone. I don’t recall what type of clothing I wore that day, but I must have looked like some Southern, cotton-picking, slave baby because when my paternal grandmother drove up to the house, she grimaced. I knew that disapproving look, and it made me very sad. I was about three or four years old and playing in the dry dirt was my favorite activity. I loved making wetting the dirt to make mud pies, climbing trees, and playing jacks. Being outdoors was my escape from the torment of Marquice. However, my paternal grandmother interrupted this play day, and she was not happy with my appearance.

     My Grandma Sammie Lee called my name, and I rushed over to the driver’s side of her car. My uncle John sat in the front passenger seat, and my aunt Cynthia sat in the backseat behind my grandmother. Grandma smiled and told me to get in the car because she was taking me shopping. I was so happy. I felt lonely and going shopping with Grandma was going to be so much fun! Although I looked like someone had rolled me in flour and stuck my finger in an electrical socket, I was going shopping!

With his famous, bright, white smile, Uncle John got out, picked me up, and helped me into the backseat. I climbed in and sat next to Cynthia, who was also only a few years older.  Even as I write this story, tears well up in my eyes because of the happiness and joy I felt when my Grandma Sammie Lee picked me up to take me shopping. Who knew that special day would end with one of the most horrible childhood experiences I had, leaving its indelible mark on my psyche.

     I don’t recall my Grandma Sammie Lee talking to my aunt Diane and telling her where we were going. I was oblivious. All I cared about was going to downtown to Macy’s to shop with my Grandma, uncle, and aunt.  When we entered Macy’s, everything seemed so big and tall—the people, mannequins, signs, etc. It was almost overwhelming, especially for a small child. Nonetheless, I was overjoyed to be surrounded by so many beautiful things. Taking me by the hand, Grandma Sammie Lee walked me to the ladies room. Once inside, she took her handkerchief, placed it under the running facet, wet it, and cleaned my face, hands, and legs. She reached in her purse, retrieved a brush, and brushed my hair into a ponytail. When she was satisfied with my look, she led me back out into the department store.

Grandma Sammie Lee led us over to the little girls’ dresses. She told me my daddy had sent her money and wanted her to buy me a beautiful dress, matching socks, and black patent-leather shoes. There were so many dresses and they were so beautiful! I tried on yellow-laced, pink-ruffled, white-pleated, and pastel-green, cotton dresses. Grandma, Uncle John, and Cynthia laughed as I pranced and modeled for them. I was grinning from ear-to-ear. I felt so pretty—even prettier because my daddy wanted me to look pretty. I liked the white dress most; but Grandma decided on the pink dress. She told me the ruffles made my bowed-legs look prettier.

We headed over to the shoe department in search of the black, patent-leather shoes. There were so many, but I quickly noticed a pair with a bow on top. They were so beautiful—with a rounded toe and shiny, silver buckles. To finish my new wardrobe, Grandma picked out laced, pink socks. She took me back into the restroom, and changed me into my new clothes and shoes. She added a pink ribbon to my ponytail; and we left Macy’s. For the first time in my childhood, I felt pretty. I was the happiest little girl in the world.

  Before returning me to my maternal grandmother’s house, Grandma Sammie Lee treated me to a burger and fries. Of course, I could not have catsup or mustard; but the food was still delicious. As we drove back to the house, I leaned my face out the backseat window taking in the sunshine, cool breezes, and blue skies. I had not expected such a wonderful day. I was so happy. I felt loved.

Grandma Sammie Lee pulled up to the familiar curb. Uncle John got out, leaned his seat forward, and reached for my little hand. He picked me up, grabbed the shopping bags containing my old, soiled clothing, and carried me to the door. My aunt Diane answered, and didn’t seem happy to see me. That was okay because I felt pretty. I stood inside the screen door and my uncle walked back to Grandma’s car. He waved as he got in. Grandma and Cynthia waved, too. I smiled, waving back. Then, they were gone.

(Continue reading in the book When Family Does You Wrong).

Submitted by Clarissa (Queen of the Pen) Burton Clarissa burton


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